Mighty Moshin' Emo Ranger

My mother has decided it's just not enough to have wedding number four on the shores of Cuba, sunny land of the communist "free". On September 13th, she and Dennis intend to "renew their vows" (What the? That's only a month after the first wedding!) and have a big reception for friends and family. I had no idea until she casually mentioned that the extension on the house should be finished "by the time we renew our vows in September". That means Laura will get a new bedroom and I can have hers. They'd have even more space if Johanna would move out and live on her own but of course, she won't. Look up "parasite" in the dictionary and you may well see a picture of her.

I'm under strict instructions to buy myself new clothes for the event (out of my own pocket, naturally), not to wear black and to bring a date. Apparently it is fine for Laura to go on her own because she is still at school, but Charlotte and Johanna will have their boyfriends with them and the happy couple would hate for me to "show myself up". (Translation: "Don't show your mother up.") She suggested I bring Ben, but I'm not going to. His social ineptitude is painful to watch, even for me; and someone's bound to give the game away by admitting he's not so much the Romeo to my Juliet as the Will to my Grace.

I doubt I'll have a boyfriend by then so the best option might be to hire an escort. Not a male prostitute, though that would be worth it just to see the looks on their faces. Just a nice looking bloke to pose as my flavour of the month. A really expensive one isn't required. Any man who can put a sentence together and doesn't have any visible tattoos is a vast improvement on Johanna and Charlotte's usual taste in lovers.

It really is the end for GJ now, so I've made the switch at last.

More later.